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A NIGHT IN THE BAR: Bartender: Who Are You? I've never seen you before... Man: Yeah! I just lost my job and came here for a drink Bartender: What kind of Job? Man: Well. I am a Consultant. Bartender: Whats that?

Teacher - " Can anybody give an example of coincidence?" Student - "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."

A foreign tourist hired a guide for his trip to Agra and Delhi. He admired the beauty of Taj at Agra and asked how many years it took to build. "12 years" - The guide replied. "12 Years!! You Indians are so lazy" - The tourist said ,

Santa lost his cheque book. He decided to go to the bank after two days to report. The Bank manager said to him, "But I warned you to be very careful with your cheque book because anyone can forge your signature." . . . Santa replied, "I am not a fool Sir, I have signed all the cheques already, so, they won't have space to forge my signature!"

Shakespeare Said "A boy & A girl can never be Frndx 4ever" . Lincoln Said ..."Friendship is d starting for what V call Love" . Wordsworth Said "Proposing A boy or A girl for Friendship is Nothing but Indirectly saying I LIKE YOU" .

Why Do husbands Need wife in their life ??? . . Coz she will never leave you alone when you're sad.. . . . Will ask u to leave your bad habits everyday,every time..

The best coincidence.... . . . Chlidren's day always comes after exactly 9 months of valentines day.

Wife: Honey, my stomach is getting bigger i think i am pregnant! . . Husband: Ya, and i know who's the daddy !!!! Wife : Who ?

5 things American Movies Teach Us: 1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu. 2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover. 3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote Basketball/Baseball. 4. Aliens have special interest in attacking the U.S. 5. U.S. is a place

Boss hangs a poster in Office"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET" He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk."Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home.".

teacher: rohan, how do you spell crocodile? rohan;krokodel teacher:its wrong. rohan;it may be, but you asked me how i usually spell it. Submitted By - Player 34

two people were travelling in boat (wooden)  from a village. one person in the boat said to  other person that water is entering our boat. the other person replied , i knew that this problem would come  so i already kept the hole for the boat for the water to go out. Submitted By :- Rock

santabanta Santa: I got a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes for starving people throughout the world. Banta: So you did? Santa: No, I told them to get lost. Banta: That was rude. Santa: No way, anybody who fits into my clothes can't be starving!

Santa's Job Interview In the interview... The Employer: 'How long did you work during your last job.' Santa : '30 years.' The Employer: 'What's your age? Santa: '20 Years.' The Employer(Surprised): How it is possible that you are 20 and have a experience of 30 years? Santa: 'Overtime.'

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack And was taken 2 the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?" God said, "No, you have another 34 years 2 live." Upon recovery, the woman decided 2 stay in the hospital & have a face-lift, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color Finally she was released from the hospital. While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck. Arriving in front of God, she asked, "You said I had another 34 years 2 live. Why didn't you save me from the truck?" God replied: "I couldn't recognize you!"

Today I helped a girl and she replied "THANK U", then I told her not to say thank u but instead take my mobile number n give it to 3 other girls and tell those girls to give to other 9 girls JAI HO effect... !!!

A handsome Boy to Girl : can I take your picture?? Girl (happily):- Awww...Of course! whY not. . . After taking the picture: Boy: "Thank you very much.. I just love to collect images of Natural Disasters.!"

A man was sipping his whisky, while sitting on the balcony with his wife and he says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you." The wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?".;;) . . . He replies, "It's me..... talking to the whisky. =)

Post by Awesomejokes.in .

If you're sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember that no one loves you on the other days of the year either. . . . . . . brb some liquid shit is coming out of my eyes. ._.

Double Insult: Gal: Do you like me? Boy: No. The girl got sad. Boy: Why are you sad? Gal: Because you don't like me. Boy: You never asked whether I love you Girl: Do you love me? Boy: No!

Husband to wife: Today is a fine day. Next day he says: Today is a fine day. Again next day, he says same thing: Today is a fine day. Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband: Since one week, you are saying this 'Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter? Husband: Last week when we had an argument, you said, 'I will leave you one fine day.' I was just trying to remind you.

Friend1: "My ex-girlfriend tagged me in her photo- kissing with her new boy friend." Friend2: "oh god. What did u comment? Friend1: "nothing. I tagged her father...

A Doctor opened a clinic & wrote outside the clinic: Any treatment in Rs.300 & if we cant treat, will pay back you Rs.1000. A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & get 1000. He says to the Doctor: I cant feel any taste on my tongue... Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22. After that the MAN shouts: --- ULLU KE PATTHE its chilly.... The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now. The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300. After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his prevoius 300 too. MAN : Doctor i have lost my memory. Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue. MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste. Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back. Moral: Never think to cheat a DOCTOR

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army! Interviewer, "We want a person with a suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly, having a KILLER INSTINCT !!! So do you think you are eligible?" Man, "No Sir, but........ can my Wife apply..?"